Flogging and Blogging

Despite the assurances of the last post that I would post more details of my current emotional turmoil, as per usual, real life got in the way as it inevitably does and my blogging was put on hold. It is with some envy that I read the blogs of Swan and Morningstar for whom the school holidays are the start of, albeit a too short, period of calm, for me it is the opposite as the various boarding schools turf out my children and send them home to Mum. Naturally they are always accompanied by a large amount of dirty washing and a list of all the uniform items that they have either lost or grown out of during the year for me to replace. In order to combat the "post school stress" I took a couple of weeks off and rented a holiday "cottage" in the UK. Thus, I have been gainfully (!?!) employed in seemingly endless cycle of washing, shopping and sewing on those annoying little name labels on the newly bought uniform.

Unfortunately being in the UK also means visits to the children by their father, my ******* ex-husband, and true to form he behaved awfully causing yet more upset and heartbreak for the children and myself. I have decided, finally, to go to court to prevent this from happening again as I just cannot take much more and remain sane.

In all of this mess although Andrew and I did manage to find a few occasions for mostly "stress relief" spankings, it has just not been enough to keep a "lid on it all" and as time has marched on I have found it hard to cope with everything, getting more and more "out of control" which always ends up with me arguing and been generally extremely bitch to Andrew, taking out this stress on him. He in turn has his own problems as he has finally been formally diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome and is needing to come to terms with this, so has not been in the best of moods himself.

So we ended up basically not talking to each other for the last few days. With me going to bed early and him coming later when I am already asleep. He has been threatening me with a "damn good beating" to deal with my unacceptable behaviour but has been unwilling to actually administer it as he was concerned he might go too far as he was so furious with me. I of course have been desperate for that beating, but have been caught up in the familiar catch 22 situation of not knowing how to ask for this without appearing to be in the driving seat, which I (mostly !) try to avoid doing.

Well, finally after a heated telephone call yesterday, where I admit I was trying to push his buttons to get what I was needing, he snapped and told me to get myself home the second my work day ended. Although this was a "Hallelujah" moment I naturally pointed out all the urgent things I had to do before the spanking could take place, like collect our visitor from the airport and get the house ready etc, etc, etc, but Andrew told me, in no uncertain terms, to shut up, get home and adopt the required position. I thought the day would never end the last couple of hours of work seemed to last forever but finally home time came. I rushed downstairs and changed into my kit for the 7 mile cycle ride home.

I was flying through the countryside at a real rate of knots, newly permed hair blowing in the wind, when bang, my rear tyre got a puncture and went instantly flat at the same time a large clap of thunder rumbled over head. There I was, in the middle of open farmland, 5 miles from home, tyre flat as a pancake, stressed as hell and about to get deluged by the imminent thunderstorm. Although I did have a repair kit my pump was kaput and thus I could not inflate the tyre enough to get home. There were also, thankfully - I think - no passing cyclists, as I sure I could not have explained why it was so urgent that I borrow their pumps so I could get home for a good spanking, what the hell is "spanking" in German anyway! I was sure that Andrew was going to be convinced that I would try anything to get out of my well deserved punishment!

In the end my kids rescued me with a replacement bike, I cycled home on this (you would have died laughing if you had seen me as it was a kids bike so I had my knees up by my ears!), shouted at Andrew as I was so stressed and naturally now I was so late I had to rush to the airport with no time for spanking.

Later, though I did try to postpone the session until after I fixed the puncture (the last time I did this was 20 years ago and I knew I'd be stressed by it), I got my come-uppance, the flogging of the subject line. Normally this is not a word I like to use as it somehow sounds too severe, thus I prefer to use spanking, but to be honest it was the most severe "spanking" I have ever had thus really deserves the term "flogging".

Of course I am still stressed but feeling a lot better than I did yesterday, mind you the cycle to work this morning was not a pleasant experience!

Hil