Where to next - part 3 - Masochism

To paraphrase the famous Bard, "to spank or not to spank that is the question ..."

At the end of the last part of this saga I wrote that I believed that if I found a partner with that "dominant" streak that I could live without the spanking part. However, a close friend of mine, on reading that post in the blog challenged me, over a nice cup of Yorkshire Tea (best kind of tea in the world!), to tell him if that was really true. Apparently when I talk about spanking in both forms, both the disciplinary mode and the "masochist subspace" version, it is clear that I am very passionate about the benefits of the whole experience and sort of glow with a sort of inner contentment. Thus he was not sure that I really could do without something that he said seems to feed my "inner self" so deeply.

I have struggled with this question over the last few weeks, on the one hand, I do actually think it is true that I could probably live without it, BUT that said, in true "having it all" mode, I would obviously like to have both dominance and spanking! A girls gotta try, hasn't she, who says I can't have my cake AND eat it!

I have been thinking hard about this over the last week or so and the best sort of explanation that I can come up with is the following.

On an intellectual level I can easily rationalise giving up spanking if I have a true dominant to care for me and direct my life. The trouble is that I have come to realise more and more in the last few days that my need to be spanked is also very strongly rooted in the physical and emotional levels.

I need the emotional connection that a good spanking gives, I need to know that my partner cares for me so much that they set the boundaries, make sure that they are enforced and should it be necessary to "give up their time" to administer any necessary discipline. I want to be able to push at these boundaries and feel that they are safe and secure around me, protecting me.

On the physical level, the true masochist in me I suppose I would have to say, has been experiencing a real physical yearning or craving to be spanked. Naturally I have had intellectual or emotional cravings, as a chocoholic having tried a number of unsuccessful diets it is hard not to, but this is the first time I have felt such a deep truly physical yearning. It is like a sort of dull ache, an itch that you cannot scratch, that just does not go away, it just sits there growing steadily, especially when I am feeling stressed or upset. I feel like a bottle of Coke that someone is shaking, they are shaking it oh so gently, but I know that eventually I am going to explode unless someone takes off the lid and allows the pressure to dissipate.

So, can I really live without being spanked?

The answer, I suppose is, probably not, especially if I do not want to make a mess on the carpet!