Where am I ?

Good question, huh!

It is easily answered in the literal sense as I am sitting at my laptop which is in my kitchen, in my house, which is located in a small village in the middle of Germany, Europe, the World!

In the metaphysical sense is is anything but simple, and I do not know the answer to that question at all. After a lot of soul searching, much thought and a fair few posts, I have finally decided where to go next. The trouble is how to get there. If any of you happen to have a map showing me the correct / easiest / shortest way that would be extremely helpful.

In the short term my need to get spanked, to defuse some of the building stress, is what seems to be mostly on my mind, in truth I am totally obsessing about it. I was helping friends to move house yesterday and whilst moving one of the bags I managed to whip myself on the ear with an old riding whip, I know must have been really clever to achieve this by accident, you had to be there!!! It of course hurt like mad but sadly it drew my attention towards the whip and thus I spent the next few hours fantasising about it being applied to my backside, aaahhh, help someone!

On the other hand obsessing about spanking has had some benefits as it has managed to take my mind off the upset caused by Mike last week and the court case against my ex which is coming up next week.

The trouble is the long term, I know that it is not just about spanking, it is much, much more than that, I really need to find that dominant, controlling man. I really, really need to find someone to submit to, to set boundaries, to give me a place where I feel safe.

And there is the rub, all this "stuff" that I need makes "dating" much more difficult, it makes you much more vulnerable and more open to hurt because you need to expose your "soft underbelly", at least a bit. How do you do this and avoid the Mikes of this world at the same time? Answers on a postcard please ...


... on the other hand getting spanked right now would let the pressure off a bit, wouldn't it!