You might well ask, I know my posting is often erratic, but it has been more than two weeks. No, it is not just that my (now advanced) age is showing and I am losing my marbles, at least I hope not!
The truth of the matter is that life has been more hectic than usual on work and home fronts. At work there have been three of my colleagues off sick or on holiday and me needing to cover for them and there is the usual year end panic to spend the last remaining budget that we have and the paperwork that is needed to achieve that.
On the home front, well there have been a number of family birthdays (7 out of my 8 immediate family members have their birthdays between mid October and Christmas), the fact that my mother has been ill for a while and last if not least it is of course also 'the season to be jolly', or not in my case as I find Christmas really stressful and upsetting. More so as we will be spending it in the Motherland so have needed to organise accommodation and flights for us all.
Christmas used to be a magical time for me when I was a kid, I loved it. But now it always seems to make me feel a total failure, everyone around me seems to be playing happy families and my kids cannot. So of course I try to make everything perfect and spoil them ridiculously to make up for this "failure of mine" and then feel exhausted, exploited and taken for granted. Maybe Scrooge was onto something.
On the BDSM front things are looking up a bit, I won't go into details for now, but what I can say is that I am both learning a lot about myself and enjoying it greatly. It is allowing me to release inhibitions that have been with me forever and that is a really good thing.
Hope that the run up to Christmas is smooth going for you all. I hope to post again before Christmas, but please do not hold your collective breaths.
Hil
