... to her 15 year old daughter who has explained that when she gets stressed she self-harms?
Haven't posted in a while but thought I'd write this in the hope that some of my old blog readers might have some idea about what to say or do.
My middle daughter is having some serious problems at the moment with self -esteem and her boyfriend's drug problem and she has confessed to me that she has used a razor to cut herself as it helps her to cope with the "pain" of all that stress. She is the one with ADHD so already has a lot to cope with in addition to all the s**t to do with her father.
I was, to put it mildly, horrified, my "baby" is self-harming. Of course I went into overdrive telling her that this is not a good thing and can be dangerous and that she needs to talk to someone about it, get some serious help, but all the time I was feeling hypocritical. How can I get angry with her for doing something "so stupid/dangerous" when I use pain in the same way. For me getting spanked/tortured etc is the only time when I am able to "tune out" the major stress in my life and to "turn off" my brain, or at least to slow it down to a level that I can cope with. Why shouldn't she "need" something similar?
What should I do, other than getting her a therapist pdq (pretty damn quick) that is? Anyone had any experience of this, I am out of my depth here?
Thanks
Hil
4 comments:
Hil, I would advise getting her to a therapist pdq! There are several reasons: She is not an adult with her sexuality fully developed. She can not know that she is truly a "masochist" until she is much older. We all have masochistic (and sadistic) pieces of us, within the spectrum of our 'normal' sexuality. What is what will come to her later as she develops. Right now this impulse arises out of emotional pain and desperation, not really the at all the same as an adult "choice". She is cutting because it helps her to cope with her emotional pain. We can assume her pain is overwhelming and she has resorted to this to attempt to ease it. It is very important that she learns other healthy (non self- destructive) ways to handle her anxiety and upsets. Find her someone who is experienced in dealing with adolescents,. and knowledgeable in this area. It also has to be someone she feels OK about...likes, because she will need to be willing to talk. Good luck with this!
I just realized that you posted this back in June. I hope things are a little better by now and that your daughter's problems have eased.
Thanks Mick things have improved a lot she now has weekly sessions with a therapist.
Hil
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