Well where do I start, the whole concept of domestic discipline is such a complicated subject to get your head around, in fact it is hard enough to explain it even to myself, and I am living it. Nearly every day I experience some of its many positive benefits, some of these I expected to encounter when we started with this journey but we have discovered yet more positive facets which I could never have imagined as being linked to such a lifestyle.
I try to look at myself as an outsider would and imagine how I would explain to them why on earth someone like me; intelligent, strong, capable, opinionated, feminist leaning, highly responsible, with fulfilling, well paid career and the 'perfect' family, own car/house/teeth, could possibly experience anything positive in agreeing to have her bottom regularly and painfully spanked by a man if she should step out of line and break 'the rules', even if these are rules to which she has previously agreed.
This is indeed the paradox of DD, at face value it does not seem possible for it to work, after all why would anyone in their right mind agree to let someone else 'assault' them. As this clearly does not make any sense one must assume that any woman who is prepared to do this must obviously be desparate, have no self worth or perhaps is just plain crazy. If she is not then her partner must be a manipulative bully at best and a 'wife-beater' at worst.
But DD cannot work if any of the above are true, there has to be a balance in the relationship, both parties must be equals in the relationship, equal but with different roles. For a ship to function effectively it cannot have two captains...
Lookout: Iceberg dead ahead, whatever shall we do?
Captain A: Righto, I see it too, hard to port Steersman,
Captain B: No, no, no, that will never do, Steersman - hard to starboard,
Steersman: So which way should I turn?
CRASH
Lookout: To the lifeboats, abandon ship
Captain A: I'm supposed to say 'abandon ship'
Captain B: No, I'm supposed to say it
...glug, glug, glug ...
Ah, so that is what happened on the Titanic, but I digress, clearly someone has to have the final say, the ultimate authority to ensure the safety of the vessel and all who sail in her. For that authority to be meaningful and effective they have to be someone who is respected and trusted by those underneath them, or at the first sign of difficulty chaos will ensue and people will get hurt.
For me this is one of the many aspects which underpins a DD relationship, to ensure that the relationship remains healthy, one needs to lead and the other to follow. But to follow you have to trust that wherever you are led you, will be safe.
I try to look at myself as an outsider would and imagine how I would explain to them why on earth someone like me; intelligent, strong, capable, opinionated, feminist leaning, highly responsible, with fulfilling, well paid career and the 'perfect' family, own car/house/teeth, could possibly experience anything positive in agreeing to have her bottom regularly and painfully spanked by a man if she should step out of line and break 'the rules', even if these are rules to which she has previously agreed.
This is indeed the paradox of DD, at face value it does not seem possible for it to work, after all why would anyone in their right mind agree to let someone else 'assault' them. As this clearly does not make any sense one must assume that any woman who is prepared to do this must obviously be desparate, have no self worth or perhaps is just plain crazy. If she is not then her partner must be a manipulative bully at best and a 'wife-beater' at worst.
But DD cannot work if any of the above are true, there has to be a balance in the relationship, both parties must be equals in the relationship, equal but with different roles. For a ship to function effectively it cannot have two captains...
Lookout: Iceberg dead ahead, whatever shall we do?
Captain A: Righto, I see it too, hard to port Steersman,
Captain B: No, no, no, that will never do, Steersman - hard to starboard,
Steersman: So which way should I turn?
CRASH
Lookout: To the lifeboats, abandon ship
Captain A: I'm supposed to say 'abandon ship'
Captain B: No, I'm supposed to say it
...glug, glug, glug ...
Ah, so that is what happened on the Titanic, but I digress, clearly someone has to have the final say, the ultimate authority to ensure the safety of the vessel and all who sail in her. For that authority to be meaningful and effective they have to be someone who is respected and trusted by those underneath them, or at the first sign of difficulty chaos will ensue and people will get hurt.
For me this is one of the many aspects which underpins a DD relationship, to ensure that the relationship remains healthy, one needs to lead and the other to follow. But to follow you have to trust that wherever you are led you, will be safe.
4 comments:
Dear Hil,
It looks like you and I have a lot in common. I also struggled (sometimes still do) with the whole "I'm intelligent, independent and strong, what am I doing being spanked?" problem. And like you, discovering DD has been a life-saver.
I look forward to reading more.
Best wishes,
Constance
Thanks Constance please stop by again. I will post some more soon once I finish installing my new kitchen!!!
Hil
Hey girls, being spanked (outside the content of a DD relationship, as you call it) and 'allowing' it has nothing to do with being intelligent, strong, self-sufficient and so on, at least not in the kind of sense you put it.
Why don't you see it much simpler ?
Because you do have all of what an emancipated woman nowadays needs you know how to take and enjoy a good spanking. Isn't it just a kind of spice? Too much for some but joyful for some others? Exactly the same as with very spicy dishes, isn't it? Some like it and those well traveled and used to more than one culinary kind enjoy the spice despite its burning.
Of course we can go and try to have deep thoughts on an high intellectual level, but here I only doubt this is really necessary.
Of course that sort of paradox thoughts and / or emotions / feelings is and will always be something that kinda hovers above you whenever you think of the seemingly paradox action you let yourself into; however, as soon as you freely admit, at least to your inner self, that you simply like it, no matter for what reason, there won't be any paradox left and you can be truly free to enjoy.
(Harmon)
You are right but it has taken me more than 6 months to understand it.
Hil
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