As you will have seen I have struggled with the issue of fairness in our DD relationship, in fact anyone who practices DD will have done the same at some time. One recurring theme is when I consider that Andrew has 'contributed' to my bad behaviour in some way, for example by not behaving in a "true HoH" manner or by goading me in some way, and thus I feel that a punishment is therefore not appropriate or fair. We have had many a heated debate on this subject often with me over his knee vigorously protesting my 'innocence".
Deciding what he should do at this point, in the heat of the moment, especially when he admits to some degree of ‘contributory negligence’ on his part, is very difficult to do and often he has thus decided not to spank me. In the heat of the moment I am of course happy that he decides not to, feeling entirely justified for acting out, because “he made me”.
However, when I am calm, I have to admit that because I am mentally excusing my behaviour by blaming him, I am not really trying hard enough to correct the behaviour we embarked on this DD lifestyle to change. I really do not want to behave badly even when provoked, or perhaps especially when provoked. Thus, I finally explained to him my feelings on this subject.
In reply, Andrew told me that he feels uncomfortable about being seen to be unjust if he spanks me when he has provoked me, as he considers that it is important for an HoH to be completely fair.
Sadly, following the above confession of my devious self deception, he informs me that he is going to “save me from myself” and “steel himself” to spank me whenever he sees fit, whether I was provoked or not into my bad behaviour, though as he admits it will probably “hurt me more than him to do so”.
I do so hate it when he tries to be funny …
27/02/2008
To spank or not to spank, that is the question ...
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Hil, this is such a tough question. Usually Grant and I feel we should both be held accountable. That means that if I provoke him, he should not react badly, and visa versa. In real life, none of us are 100% all the time. We have struck a compromise. I have communicated what I feel I want and need in general, like you did, but he decides what he will do on each occasion. Sometimes that means he does not punish because he feels it is not right, given his part in things. I have had to learn to accept that just like I have had to learn to accept a punishment that I don't necessarily think I have earned. In time, as the trust grows, this all gets a bit easier.
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