All Change

To all that read here regularly I am sorry that I have not been posting much, many things are in a great state of flux at the moment.

To all who don't read here, hey, you don't know what you are missing !!

As you all know I have been on a voyage of discovery and it seems that I have finally arrived to the place where I have come to both accept and start to like myself, kinks and all.

Unfortunately in the course of this voyage the things which I have realised that I need to have in my life, specifically from my partner are things that Andrew cannot and never will be able to give me; Safety, Dominance, Control and feeding of my masochistic tendencies.

Thus, finally we have parted ways as I did not feel that I really could continue to "pay" daily for the fact that I did not love him enough to give up these things that he could not give to me. Nor could he really cope with the reality of polyamory, as no matter what I would say he would always consider himself to be second best and that is not a role which he wanted to take. Thus I felt it would be better if I were to "free" him to walk another path, not the one with me where his "inadequacies" would be shoved in his face daily.

I am sad in some ways, because he is very hurt and understandably so, but glad in others because I had to invest a huge amount of one-sided effort into the relationship in order to make it work. He has helped me find my way to the path, that I am now happily following, and for that I am extremely grateful, but it is time for us to go our separate ways and move on.

Things for me continue to move in a positive direction, but more of that another day, for now I'll just end with a public thank-you to Andrew for helping me to find myself and to express my regrets that he lost me in the process.

Hil